After the Before Read online

  After the Before

  By Jessica Gomez

  Copyright © 2014 by Jessica Gomez

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

  may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

  without the express written permission of the publisher

  except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Dedications

  First, I would like to thank my husband for all of his support in

  making my dreams come true. To my family and friends with love.

  My AMAZING editor Dana Hook. Margreet Asselbergs

  for the awesome cover. Alisa Mullen for just being her,

  thank you for introducing me to this world and group

  of fantastic ladies. And finally, a shout out to Laurie

  Schmidt Lee and Elexis Darden, you two are complete

  Rock Stars. And to anyone else who helped me get to this

  point. I couldn’t have done it without you.

  Chapter One

  Jasmine

  Growing up on the wealthier side of town may look good from the outside, but not everyone has a great life on the inside. You never know what is going on with the people who live behind those pretty little doors. For instance, I have problems at home with my mother. I know, practically every teenage girl does, but our problems go so much deeper than any teenage angst… my life has turned into one big nightmare that I can’t run away from. So, to explain a little about me, I have to go back. I refer to my life as the Before and the After. The accident drew a line in my life, so let me give you a glimpse of the Before.

  I had a twin brother named Jace before the accident. I loved him more than anything, and I still do. Being my other half, he was also someone I could trust with everything.

  We shared the same golden-yellow hair, the color of saffron, and even our eyes matched − a beautiful blue-green, the color of the ocean. The only real difference between us, other than gender, was that he was six feet tall, while I staggered inches shorter at five feet, five inches.

  Jace was the popular one in the family. He played on the Varsity Basketball team as soon as we became freshman in high school. He always had friends hanging around, and girls drooling all over him, but no matter how popular he was, he always made time for me.

  I also had friends… I wasn’t a loser or anything. Marisol Navarro was my neighbor and best friend. Being that my brother and I were twins, it was no surprise that her brother, Alex, was my brother’s best friend. We grew up together, living next door to one another for ten years. Marisol was a junior, while Jace, Alex, and I were all sophomores. Marisol and I played on the Volleyball team at school.

  Marisol and Alex’s family was sweet and pleasant. Mr. and Mrs. Navarro came from a rough past; coming to the United States from Mexico when they were young, hoping to start a new life. Their father worked with my father at a research company, and they both made a very comfortable living.

  The only hiccup in my before, was my mother… she treated me as if I was a burden. She never showed any positive emotions toward me, or anything that I’ve ever done.

  My father, on the other hand, was a normal, doting dad. He spoiled Jace and me every chance he could while my mother always favored one… Jace. It was something she never hid, always going out of her way to gloat over him in front of me and everyone else. On our tenth birthday, she forgot to write my name on our birthday cake. I mean, seriously? How could she write one name and not remember to write the other? You don’t forget things about your children like that, especially when they share the same birthday. It just doesn’t happen.

  Jace was my buffer against mom, always stepping in to defend me, which I think caused her to hate me even more. Whenever mom was up in my face about one thing or another, Jace always stepped in and defused the situation. God, I miss him.

  Now that you know a bit about my before, let’s go in to that day; the day that my Before and After existed simultaneously.

  My day was like any other Wednesday at school. My dad was there, watching my practice in the upper gym, while my brother practiced in the lower gym. I remember that particular Wednesday because I had been worried sick over a boy I liked asking me to the upcoming dance. I always wonder, if I had waited to see him after practice, like I usually did, would I have missed such a tragedy.

  “He’ll ask you Jasmine. Don’t worry,” Marisol assured me.

  “I’m not so sure about that. You and Jace seem to think he likes me, but other than a look here and there, he doesn’t even talk to me much.” I shake my head, not convinced.

  “He’s a guy, Jas. What do you expect?”

  I met her smile with one of my own. “Alright. We still have three weeks until the dance, so I’ll wait impatiently for him to ask. So, enough about me. Who are you going with? Has anyone asked you yet?”

  Marisol’s manicured brows drew together, creasing her caramel skin. I had always been jealous of her Mexican heritage. She had the most beautiful skin color, and long, black hair, which she flicked off her shoulders, looking nervous.

  “I’m not sure yet. I need to speak to you about something, but I want you to come over later − after I’ve taken a shower,” she said as she sniffed her armpit, throwing out her last words with sarcasm.

  “Sure, as long as my mom doesn’t freak out on me again like last time,” I replied. Last time I came home from practice, my mother chastised me about not looking feminine enough. I had just finished sweating my rear off during practice, so I doubt any girl would look feminine after sweating a bucket of stank onto her clothes.

  Marisol gave me an apologetic look, knowing that my mom was a complete psycho most of the time when it had anything to do with me.

  “Alright. At least call me if you can’t come over.”

  “I will… don’t you worry.” I turned to see my brother strolling over to us. “I better go. I think my dad is ready.”

  As I turned around, my brother draped a sweaty arm over my shoulder, sliding over the bare skin around my tank top. I didn’t bother moving it, knowing that the punishment would be even grosser if I tried to get away.

  “Hey, Marisol,” he said, but there was something different in his voice… It had a singsong tone that I had never heard from him before. I watched as Marisol’s face lit up like a light bulb right in front of me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if this was what she needed to speak to me about.

  “Hello, Jace,” she said. Then I saw the blush… she blushed. She was someone I’d known since childhood, and it was the first time I had ever seen her get flustered around someone she was so familiar with.

  I looked back and forth between them, putting the pieces together. I gave Marisol a knowing look and a smile to let her know, ‘If this is what I think it is, then I’m cool with it.’

  She smiled back at me. I could tell by the look in her eyes that she wanted to spill the beans right there, but reined it in before it slipped out.

  “I’ll see you tonight,” I told her, knowing I needed to hear her news.

  Jace gave her a wink before turning with me to walk toward the parking lot. I thought I could get some of the information I needed from my loving brother.

  “So…,” I started, stretching the word out.

  Jace turned to me and gave me his goofy smile. I had only seen that expression once when he fell in love with a puppy we had when we were six.

  “I was wondering when you’d notice,” he said.

  He already knew that I knew.

  “How long has this been going on?” I sounded a little more hurt than I intended. I was happy for him, but I couldn’t understand why he would keep me in the dark.

  “Only a couple of weeks and nothing has really been �
�going on.’” Using air quotes, he laughed at himself. “Marisol was worried that you would be upset with her. She didn’t know how to tell you, so she swore me to secrecy. Believe me; I was dying to tell you.”

  Nevertheless, it hurt. Jace never kept secrets from me, and I found myself upset with him for it.

  “Of course, I’m not mad,” I lied. “I think it’s great, as long as you’re good to her, and you don’t treat her like one of your groupies…” I gestured around to all the girls waving to him and drooling as we walked by.

  “I think we both know that Marisol is nothing like them, and I can’t imagine ever treating her with anything but the respect she deserves… Trust me.” I could see it in his expression that this was the real deal, which caused me to sport a giant grin.

  “Good,” I said as we reached my dad’s maroon Chevy Malibu. Jace claimed shotgun before I could, dooming me to the backseat.

  “Hey, Dad.” We both said in unison and smiled at how similar we were, always saying the same things at the same time.

  “Hey kids. You both looked good in practice tonight.” He said, smiling as he pulled out of the parking lot.

  “Good.” We both said in unison… again.

  We had driven a few minutes in silence before Dad spoke again.

  “Jasmine, honey, your mom has had a bit of a rough day, so would you mind making dinner tonight?” In reality, Dad meant that mom drank too much and couldn’t function enough to do anything, especially cook dinner.

  “Sure.” I said. I was more than happy to cook because I was good at it. Everyone knew it, including my mom, but for some reason, it pissed her off. If she didn’t medicate herself so much, I wouldn’t have to do it… but she does, and that leaves me to do what she can’t.

  “What do you feel like eating?” I asked the both of them.

  Once we figured out what we wanted to eat, Dad swung us by the store to grab some milk and other ingredients before heading home. We were only a couple of blocks away when my dad glanced at me in his rear-view mirror for only a fraction of a second, but it was long enough for him not to see the car headed straight toward us.

  Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion, but in reality, it happened so fast. I only had time to get out one thought… ‘That car looks familiar.’

  There was a bang, and that’s when all hell broke loose. Metal was grinding and twisting; windows shattered and popped. There were voices screaming, tires screeching, and the smell of burnt rubber filling the air around me as my dad tried to stop us from the inevitable car flip that we were about to endure. The noise was horrible and deafening.

  When the car came to a stop – I wasn’t sure how many flips later – everything was eerily silent. It was so silent; the only thing I could hear was my own ears ringing.

  I hung upside down, tied in by my seatbelt. Blood was rushing to my face, making it feel as if my head would explode at any given moment, and my eyes were practically popping out of my head. My hair hung down like those little troll dolls whose hair spiked straight up, only opposite. Wet, warm liquid began coming from my mouth, traveling to my nose and eyes. I was scared that I would choke on it, but I got myself together so I could adjust my eyes enough to take in the scene before me.

  The smell of burning rubber and car fluids were making me light-headed. I began to look around, and the first person I saw was my brother. He was hanging mostly out of his seatbelt, still strapped in, but his neck and upper body were lying in an awkward, contorted position because the roof of the car was smashing him in. I could see blood and glass from the shattered windshield covering him… He wasn’t moving.

  Next, I took in my dad, who was halfway out of his window. One of his legs were twisted with his knee directly in his face. The seatbelt wrapped around him in an odd position, and there was blood soaking his clothes… He wasn’t moving, either.

  I knew I needed to get out of the car to help them, so I attempted to move my left arm to unbuckle the seatbelt. Just as I moved, a searing pain shot through me. I reached down with my right hand, but fiery lances were shooting through my side. My leg pain caused me to draw in a ragged breath as I choked on a scream that drowned out the thumping of blood going to my head.

  Finally, I was able to move my left hand over enough to get my finger on the button to my belt. I hesitated for only a second after realizing it was going to hurt like a mother when I hit the roof of the car, but all I could think of was getting to my dad and brother.

  Click.

  That click was the last thing I heard as more pain than I could have thought possible for one person to handle and survive, shot through my body. The pain covered every inch of me, every nerve, every bone, and every surface.

  I blacked out.

  Chapter Two

  Jasmine

  “After”

  When I woke up, days had passed. I found my whole world ripped into tiny little pieces, sprinkled with dog crap. My brother, my twin, my other half, was dead. They said he hit his head so hard against the doorframe when it collapsed inward during the rollover that it caved in his skull, causing him to bleed out… no one could have saved him.

  “Died on impact,” were their exact words. Did it make me feel better knowing that it was a quick death for him? That he felt no pain in the end? All I knew was that he was gone, and even hearing that it was quick, that he didn’t suffer, couldn’t stop my grieving.

  My dad survived… if you want to call it that. The seatbelt had gotten so entangled with him during the rollover that it broke his neck and paralyzed him. His eyeballs were the only thing they expected to ever move. He would not be able to care for himself in any way; he would need medication, and twenty-four hour care. Even with all of that, because of his health and lowered immune system, his life expectancy was, at best, only five years. I love my dad beyond anything, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder if it would have been better for him to have died in the crash instead of living a short life, and never being able to do anything ever again.

  As for me, I walked away. Okay, I didn’t really walk away, but came out better than my dead brother and paralyzed dad. I broke my left arm and wrist, broke three ribs on my right side, two more on my left, and broke my right leg so severely that the bone split right through my skin, which was painful and gross to look at. I had a contusion and a gash near my temple where I hit something, just not sure what. I had a great deal of internal bleeding, too… but I survived. The doctor’s operated and took care of my injuries, and I was going to live while my brother was dead, and my dad was a Quadriplegic.

  As if my family’s fate wasn’t enough, the car that slammed into us was holding my best friend Marisol and her father; both died on impact. The doctors used the same exact words as they did when telling us of Jace once they realized we knew the people in the other car.

  My mom showed up in all her emotional glory, screaming about Jace and my dad. She expressed her concern about my wellbeing a few times for the doctor’s benefit, but I didn’t care. I was not the priority for her… Jace was, and we had both lost him. I believe she was worried about my dad because if my dad died, she would have nothing. My dad made a comfortable living, but most of our money came from his mother, my grandmother, who had been living in a retirement home for the past few years.

  My grandma insisted on entering the retirement home because she liked being with other people her age; she said it let her socialize without having to go out. In addition, Grandma hated my mother. Sure, she liked her at first, but after she noticed the way she treated me compared to Jace, and how she showed no love for my dad, she slowly came to loathe her.

  During my time in the hospital, my mom spent little time in my room. I think the time she did spend in my room was for show, so the hospital staff wouldn’t think badly of her… she couldn’t have that, of course. She played the sympathy card with as many people as possible, but it wouldn’t work with me.

  One of the few times she graced me with her presence, Maria Navarro,
Marisol’s mother, stopped by to see how I was progressing. I was happy to see her and was on the verge of tears and hugs when my mother sprang through my door and began to scream at her.

  “This is your husband’s fault! The doctor told me he had been drinking! Your husband killed my baby boy.” Her words turned to sobs. There was no mention of Dad or me, but at least this time, I wasn’t the only one excluded in her concern.

  Maria sank back against the wall of my room as if my mom had punched her; her eyes and face were stricken with grief and disbelief. She ran from the room and never returned. Alex never came, so I assumed that his mother must have warned him to stay away. I couldn’t blame him, but it would have been nice to see him. I thought that he considered me, not only my brother, his friend. We all grew up together, and now we were the only two left. I wanted him around for support, but he stayed elusive.

  So with that, it’s time to get caught up to the present… my After.

  The doctor’s released me from the hospital a little over a month after the accident. My right leg was in a cast, with metal pins and plates fusing the bone together. Also, my left arm was in a cast, making getting around extremely hard to do, but I made sure that I managed it. I didn’t want any help from my mom, not that she offered any. My ribs were doing well, and the doctor’s told me that coughing and laughter would cause some pain, and since neither occurred, it wasn’t a problem.

  Yep, I got patched me up nice and tidy… lucky me. They told me that I would be back to normal in no time; yeah, sure.

  Doctors are obviously instructed to hand out these lame sayings to their patients. I’m guessing they must have missed the part where my twin died, and my dad would never get to live again. Nothing would ever be ‘back to normal’, let alone ‘in no time.’

  About a month after I returned home, Dad returned too. My mom hired a twenty-four hour nurse, and visited as little as possible. To her, he was already gone.

  When I looked at him, I could see it in his eyes; he was as there as he always was, just without the words or body movements. The doctor’s said that if he worked on it, he might be able to speak again. I can see in his eyes all the things he tries to say, “I’m so sorry honey… I love you… I’m sorry about Jace.” It breaks my heart to think that he blames himself, and I hate what the accident has done to him. This is his new normal; living, but not living, every day for the rest of his life. I would always tell him that none of it was his fault – that it wasn’t anyone’s fault – it was just a horrible accident.